Parental alienation isn’t just a childhood ordeal—it’s a lasting wound that can shape a person’s emotional and psychological well-being for a lifetime. While many recognize the immediate distress it causes for children, fewer understand the deep and enduring effects it has on their adult lives. From struggles with mental health to difficulties in forming relationships, the impact of parental alienation doesn’t simply fade with time.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation occurs when one parent intentionally displays unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent, with the purpose of damaging the child’s relationship with that parent. This behavior can range from subtle negative remarks to outright obstruction of contact, and the effects are profound (Lewis, 2018).
The Psychological Toll on Children
Children who experience parental alienation often find themselves trapped in a whirlwind of emotions—confusion, guilt, and a deep sense of divided loyalty. Many begin struggling with anxiety and depression at a young age, carrying an emotional weight far heavier than they should have to bear. Their perception of the alienated parent can become distorted, shaped more by the influence of the other parent than by their own lived experiences. This loss of an essential emotional bond can leave a lasting void, one that might have otherwise been a source of love, guidance, and stability. As they grow, trust becomes a fragile thing, easily broken and difficult to rebuild. Fear of abandonment or betrayal can follow them into future relationships, shaping the way they connect with others long after childhood.
But what happens when these children grow up?
The Lingering Impact on Adults
Research shows that the effects of parental alienation persist long after childhood, influencing an individual’s ability to navigate life and relationships. Here’s how:
Increased Risk of Mental Health Issues
Adults who were alienated as children often report higher levels of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. The loss of a parental bond can create emotional voids that are difficult to fill. Studies have found that alienated individuals are more prone to mood disorders and may struggle with unresolved grief (Verrocchio et al., 2018).
Difficulties in Forming and Maintaining Relationships
Parental alienation doesn’t just strain a child’s relationship with one parent—it disrupts their entire understanding of trust and attachment. As they grow into adulthood, these wounds often manifest in the way they connect with others. Many find it difficult to form secure relationships, carrying a deep-seated fear of betrayal or abandonment that lingers beneath the surface. Communication and conflict resolution can become ongoing struggles, making romantic and familial relationships more challenging to navigate. In some cases, the cycle of alienation repeats itself, leading to estrangement from their own children as unresolved pain seeps into the next generation.
Identity and Self-Worth Challenges
Being cut off from one parent can leave a person grappling with deep questions about who they are and where they come from. Many individuals who experienced parental alienation carry the weight of feeling incomplete, as if a significant part of their personal history is either missing or distorted. This sense of loss often sparks identity struggles, especially during adolescence and early adulthood, when they’re already in the midst of figuring out who they are. The alienation can also lead to feelings of worthlessness, particularly if they’ve internalized the alienating parent’s negative portrayal of the other. Over time, this leaves them with a difficult time finding their sense of belonging or purpose, as the emotional void from the lost connection continues to shape their view of themselves and the world around them.
Breaking the Cycle: Can Healing Happen?
While the effects of parental alienation can be profound, healing is possible. Recognizing the impact and seeking support are critical first steps. Therapy—especially approaches that focus on attachment wounds, trauma recovery, and cognitive restructuring—can help alienated individuals process their experiences and rebuild a sense of self-worth. Reconnecting with the alienated parent, when possible, can also be a significant step in healing, though it requires careful navigation.
For those struggling with the aftermath of parental alienation, acknowledging the pain is crucial—but so is understanding that healing, growth, and meaningful relationships are still within reach.
If you are facing challenges related to parental alienation or need a supportive space to discuss your parenting struggles, please reach out to us. We are here to provide the guidance and support you need.
References
Lewis, S. (2018). Parental alienation can be emotional child abuse. National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges. Retrieved from https://www.ncsc.org/__data/assets/pdf_file/0014/42152/parental_alienation_Lewis.pdf
Verrocchio, M. C., Baker, A. J. L., & Bernet, W. (2018). Associations between exposure to alienating behaviors, anxiety, and depression in an Italian sample of adults. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 63(3), 965-971. https://doi.org/10.1111/1556-4029.13625