Parenting is hard. Co-parenting? Even harder. Add in the stress of separation, divorce, and the occasional urge to throw your phone after reading a text from your ex, and it’s enough to make anyone question their sanity. But here’s the thing: co-parenting isn’t about being perfect or pretending your ex doesn’t drive you nuts—it’s about making it work for your kids.
Below, you’ll find some real-talk tips on what to say (and not say), what to do (and avoid), and how to keep things healthy—for your sake and your kids’.
Say This, Not That
Words are powerful. The way you communicate with your co-parent can either smooth things over or light a match on an already tense situation. And let’s face it, in the heat of the moment, it’s all too easy to let frustration take over. That’s why knowing what to say—and what to skip—is crucial.
For example, instead of saying something accusatory like, “You’re always late, and it’s ruining everything,” try focusing on the shared goal: “Let’s figure out a schedule that works better for everyone.” Similarly, instead of demanding, “Why can’t you ever just do what we agreed?” try a softer approach: “I thought we agreed on this plan; can we revisit it to make sure it works for both of us?”
The shift might feel small, but it makes a big difference. Leading with curiosity and collaboration instead of blame can diffuse tension and keep the focus where it belongs—on your kids’ well-being.
Do This, Not That
Actions speak louder than words, and when it comes to co-parenting, what you do matters just as much as what you say. Kids are sponges; they pick up on tension, tone, and every little power struggle. The goal isn’t to be perfect (spoiler: no one is), but to make choices that prioritize their stability and happiness.
One of the best things you can do is share important updates about school, medical appointments, and milestones without being asked. Being proactive shows that you’re invested in teamwork. On the flip side, avoid using your kids as messengers or leaving your co-parent out of the loop on purpose. It’s not about control; it’s about creating a partnership.
Let’s say you have a disagreement about drop-offs. Instead of skipping the conversation altogether or trying to “win” by withholding information, approach it with a focus on problem-solving. A little transparency goes a long way, and it keeps the kids out of the middle.
Signs Your Co-Parenting Dynamic Is Controlling
Not every co-parenting relationship is healthy, and it’s important to recognize when things are veering off track. Control can show up in subtle or blatant ways, and knowing the red flags can help you set boundaries before it spirals.
If you feel like your schedule is constantly being monitored or your co-parent is pressuring you to agree to things “for the kids” without real discussion, those are signs of imbalance. Another big one? When kids are being asked to deliver messages or choose sides. That’s not only unfair to them, but it also creates unnecessary tension in an already challenging situation.
Healthy co-parenting is rooted in mutual respect, not manipulation. If you notice controlling behaviors, it might be time to have a candid conversation or seek mediation to establish clearer boundaries.
What Healthy Co-Parenting Looks Like
At its best, co-parenting is a partnership built on shared goals and mutual respect. And no, you don’t have to like your ex to achieve that. What matters is creating a system that prioritizes your kids and keeps the drama to a minimum.
Healthy co-parenting involves consistent communication. Whether you prefer texts, emails, or co-parenting apps, the key is keeping the tone respectful and the messages focused on logistics. Decision-making should feel collaborative, especially for big topics like education or healthcare. And then there are boundaries—the unsung heroes of successful co-parenting. Respect each other’s time, avoid micromanaging, and trust that you’re both doing your best.
It won’t always be smooth sailing, but when you’re both working toward the same goal, the kids see that. And that’s what really matters.
Final Thoughts
Co-parenting is messy, emotional, and sometimes downright infuriating. But it’s also an opportunity to show your kids how to handle tough situations with grace (or at least without throwing shade). Start small by choosing one thoughtful phrase or one positive action to begin with, and let your progress grow from there.
You’ve got this.
And if you need extra support navigating co-parenting (or just a space to vent without judgment), I’m here to help. Reach out today to schedule a session—contact information is listed below.